


and I am gone past caring

by chalahandra



Category: Bleach
Genre: Cameo, Canon Compliant, Gen, Implied Relationship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-06
Updated: 2012-10-06
Packaged: 2017-11-15 18:10:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chalahandra/pseuds/chalahandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened immediately prior to and during the Battle for Fake Karakura Town, spoilers for that arc.</p><p>Written for scorched RP on dreamwidth.org.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and I am gone past caring

Autumn’s fickle breezes play havoc with the drying leaves, sending them rustling and rattling across the outside, only half-heard through the closed window. The room itself is warm and quiet, bare of furnishings – and in front of you stands the man you have followed for a century, who you respect (most of the time), admire (only some of the time), and love (you couldn’t not, for all your attempts), and what he is saying is breaking your heart into tiny little pieces.

“I _can_ fight – sir, please, this is what I am for, is it not?” He sighs, face dismayed. He radiates warmth and solidity, and there is no one you would not kill for him, if he asked you to. He hates this, he hates arguing with you because you’re so damn good at wordplay and throwing things back at him. “Please, Kyouraku-taichou... Take me with you. You _need_ someone with expert kidou skills, since Hinamori-san is still—” He holds up a hand, so much larger and so much stronger than your own, and you quiet down.

“I like it about as much as you do, Nanao-chan, but it’s an order from Yama-jii himself.” You had been about to protest the use of that ridiculous nickname, mouth open, and it snaps shut abruptly. You feel yourself blanch, and a lump grows heavy in your stomach.  
“You can’t be serious.” Your reiatsu shifts uncomfortably beneath your skin, curling in a warning. Kyouraku senses it, moves a pace closer, and you match it in retreat; _I must keep control, I must keep control_ \- that old, familiar mantra wraps your uncertainty in iron and pulls it under. Now is not the time to be as the child you once were, a walking timebomb with a hair-trigger. You are a Lieutenant, you have _responsibilities_ , and a reputation to uphold.

“Sasakibe-fukutaichou is staying, too.” It’s meant to calm you, but it only sends icicles down your spine. The Lieutenant of the First Division has _never_ been ordered to stay behind, he’s always stayed right beside Yamamoto-dono – this, this is...  
“You’re going to die.” It comes out half-way to a sob, and he steps forward again. This time, you don’t move back. “This is a suicide mission, he’s leaving us behind so there’s someone left - _you can’t die!_ ” Aizen’s forces are dangerous, the man himself is doubly deadly and they are leaving you behind while they go off to die. Strong arms wrap around you and you sob brokenly – this isn’t how it was meant to go.

“Seireitei needs you, darling Nanao.” His voice is gentle, but this can’t be easy for him (god don’t let this be easy for him, that would be just too cruel), and you try to rein in your gross sobbing. “We need you - _I_ need you. If you can keep me in line-” You have to smile at that, he’s trying so hard. “- then how hard can the Gotei be? You already have most of them terrified out of their wits.” 

It shifts, fades, and turns--

Screens line the wall in front of you, and across them are splashed scenes of unimaginable carnage – your friends, your colleagues are _dying_ and there is nothing you can do. You’d thrown the Twelfth’s techs out of the room an hour ago and locked the door with the strongest locking kidou you know  (it’s technically illegal, but you _are_ at war) , and dropped any pretense of control.

Energy skitters across your skin, vibrant, visible and loaded with deadly potential, held just barely in check by the glasses on your face. You’d paced for a while, but now you lean on the back of a chair for support, whole body quivering with the urge to completely disregard your orders and go and _help_. Sasakibe is little better, but at least his reiatsu is merely contained to a general feeling of electric dread, rather than being on the verge of spiralling out and destroying the building around them. 

Yamamoto’s orders had been simple; if they died out there, then it would be Sasakibe- _taichou_ and Ise-fukutaichou who had complete control over all the forces of the Gotei Thirteen. The two who always stood in the shadows, now in direct command. It was laughable, a last ditch effort to ensure the survival of the only military organisation left capable of repelling the Hollows, and it looked like what had once been the remotest of possibilities was now upon yourself.

On the main screen, you see poor Hinamori get run through by her own brother’s blade and you let out a scream, tears flowing down your face – Aizen’s illusions didn’t translate through the network of cameras, but with no way to contact those in Fake Karakura Town, you are forced to stand and watch your friends fall one by one to that magnificent bastard of a man.

You watch Kyouraku-taichou, Hirako-taichou, Hitsugaya-taichou, and Sui-Feng-taichou get cut down in a single stroke, and the combined flare of yours and Sasakibe’s reiatsu shorts out the screens for a long moment, your nameless zanpakutou screaming for the blood of the traitor, and you think the battle is lost. There is no more hope here – if Aizen can destroy so many of Seireitei’s finest, then what can Yamamoto do?

You slump to the floor, beyond caring. Your heart aches with an unbearable pain; it must be heartbreak, for no other pain that you have ever felt could compare. Almost blinded by tears, you stare at the screen, vision reduced to shifting colours. You had been ordered to watch the Gotei Thirteen’s strongest to go to their deaths, then the least you could do was follow your goddamned orders.

**Author's Note:**

> My take on why Sasakibe and Nanao were completely absent from the Hueco Mundo, Fake Karakura Town, and Deicide arcs. Until Kubo gives us a better explanation, this is what I am sticking to.


End file.
